I once saw a TikTok that said you can either say Amanda Knox was innocent or you can have fun at a dinner party. While it’s a less controversial take, that’s exactly how I feel about Valentine’s Day.
My earliest memories of Valentine’s Day are of course from elementary school, writing the names of all my classmates on store bought (sometimes handmade) valentines with candy attached—reserving my favorite design for my crush of course. That was before all the singles awareness day jokes began. Before all the “It’s just a capitalist excuse of a holiday” chatter began. Valentine’s Day was much simpler, just candy. I think it all started to sour back in middle school—that’s when it felt cool to be contrarian, and of course puberty kicked in and made us all bitchy.
But I’m writing this today to say that all these years later I’m still a believer. Maybe one of the most cringe parts about me is that I love Valentine’s Day. In fact it’s my favorite holiday. The big driving force behind this is that I actually dread most holidays. This is just the one where my Grinch heart thaws out.
There is a line in Tayari Jones’ American Marriage that says, “For children, Thanksgiving is about turkey and Christmas is about presents. Grown up, you learn that all holidays are about family and few can win there.”
I’ve found that over the years as family structures and relationships get more complicated and nuanced, the holidays become more somber. As my own family dynamics have warped over the years I usually find myself scrolling on Christmas, seeing all the other Instagram perfect families drinking and eating. Picture perfect.
I think that’s why in the past few years Valentine’s Day has become my favorite holiday. And for me, the key to this day is remembering it isn’t about romantic love. On Valentine’s day, I’m ultimately celebrating choice. I’m celebrating the that people whom I chose to love and who chose to love me. Sure, this includes romantic partners, but it’s also my friends, baristas, neighbors—people who became family over time.
I also find that the same message behind those other holidays holds true for today: you get more out of giving than receiving. While everyone else in my life feels lukewarm towards today, I still love to show up. I’ve learned this from the person who was probably my first ever Valentine: my mom. Never afraid to suffocate me with love, go overboard on a gift, and be a little too much, I’ve learned from her that it’s good to be the one who loves hard. It’s good to be the one who cares. It’s good to be the one who loves Valentine’s Day.
And while I can spend the day insisting it’s commercial bullshit or overrated, I’d really rather eat a steak and feast on chocolate with my loved ones. Much like love, when it comes to Valentine’s Day it’s easier to surrender. It’s even enjoyable.
Below is a list of things you can still do today—inspired by what I myself have done over the years and what people have done for me.
Send your friends a cookie gram from Levain (I have no affiliation anymore, I just genuinely loved doing this last year lol).
Give your baristas candy and cards. Bolo, Edison, and Roberto: if you’re reading this. I have treats for you once I’m back in town!
Buy your roommates flowers.
Have a Galentine’s dinner…wearing PJ’s, or lingerie, or that elaborate outfit you’ve had buried in your closet.
Make a bouquet of radicchio (and eat it afterwards of course!)
Fill a heart shaped candy box with your Valentine’s favorite snack—a box of chocolates is cute. A box of prosciutto is sexy.